Vacillation

Before I get started on this post, if you don’t know what the vacillation means take a sec and look it up. In fact I'll make it easy for you:
click here

OK, now that you know what it means, or did you just peruse over it, it is in reference to certain social situations. I was at work on Tuesday and was emailing my friend; we talk often about inadequacies, fear & loathing, and of course social situations. Thats when the term "social cripple" was coined, and that is how the word vacillation fits into this.

Its not that I can't talk to people, or that I run and hide in a corner when I am in a public area. It is when I have to make that initial contact, the initial hello that I want to last more than a hello. I remember reading an article called "The Charlie Brown Syndrome" a few years ago that seemed to sum up what I suffer from. It is of course in relation to Charlie Brown and his affection towards Heather, the little red haired girl.

As you have seen in the comics or specifically the New Years special Charlie Brown is wanting to invite the little red haired girl to the party. He gets an invitation ready and is all set to deliver it, but he is talking with Linus about it and the syndrome kicks in. "What if when I get up the door, and slide the envelope through my hand gets stuck in the slot, and then the door opens up and...." it goes on. Of course he isnt going to get his hand stuck, but he thinks of that type of situation, and for some reason he cant bring himself to do it. Well that could be the same in certain social situations.

There are different social situations, like if you go to a party that a friend is throwing, and you meet some strangers there. That is different because a common entity is already there, a mutual friend. Even if its a friend of a friend there is still a relation (damn, data base speak is getting mixed in here). Anyhow, so that is different. But say it’s the gym and you want to just say hello to some one. There is that instinct inside of me that says, "yes do it you fool! What do you have to lose? thats right nothing!" Even though I know this and I am aware of it i still have problems with it.

I am sure it is just a matter of doing it on a more regular basis, after all things get better with practice. We'll see what happens, and see if i can learn to walk again like Forrest Gump did when he broke off the leg braces.

So what is the cure for the social cripple, who doubles as a "dream killer" (I imagine only one person gets this), and suffers Charlie Brown Syndrome? Any suggestions?

I have also been meaning to get this written down, and I did tonight:
Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place."